A Controversial Thought

I'm not sure if Lydia's Birth Day was the best day of my life.

When I try to pinpoint that day, certain events come to mind, like kickin it on the beach in Maui with my family on a great vacation when I was about 12; the day I married my amazing husband, we ate and lounged all day and then spent the evening in a giant bubble bath; one particularly great camping trip on the Parkway where we discovered a magical waterfall that was surrounded by tiny lavender butterflies...

Vomiting. Retching. Groaning. Sobbing. Bleeding. Pushing. Best day ever? I don't know.

My mother in law came to visit today and we ate lunch on a shady patio at one of our favorite restaurants. We had a delicious meal, enjoyed the cool, breezy afternoon, and I sipped iced tea leisurely while I watched my tiny daughter sleep in her Grandma's arms. It was a pretty fine afternoon.

Lydia has made my life so much more real, and it helps me appreciate the great moments that come and go so quickly that true gratitude is often forgotten.

And on an equally real level, the hard moments at 3 a.m. with no sleep and a diaper blowout can be painfully raw and miserable. The third hour of rocking a cranky baby is kind of soul sucking.

But then, out of no where, a little smile spreads across her face and WHAM!... the love is so potent that it knocks me to my knees. My heart explodes. Fireworks of pride and happiness go off inside me. I am her, and she is me, and we are one.

This love is a really important tool that the universe gives parents. It's what gives me the strength to pop out of bed and go to her nursery when I hear her cries boom through the monitor... even when she wants to eat every two hours, like last night. (We're having some sleep issues this week, if you can't tell.) It's what makes labor and delivery worth it and the only reason I will ever consider getting pregnant again.

And this love, like the love I have for her Daddy, builds with every day that passes. It deepens each minute I hold her and it changes me. Makes me tougher to fight the challenges of parenthood. Softens me so that I can attend to her every need quicker and better than the day before. And it skews reality just enough so that I will always adore her no matter what she needs or how hard the journey feels.

This slightly skewed reality compounded with the burning love and the hours of hard work I've put in as her Mommy, do make her birthday, the beginning of this crazy adventure, feel extremely special. I really cannot even imagine my life without her now. And feeling her warm body in my arms and seeing her squished, little face for the first time was certainly one of the best MOMENTS of my life.

But probably not the best day.