3.4.09

Ugh, I've been in a blogging funk recently. There have been plenty of nice happenings around here. We've had lots of visits with family and friends, gone on fun, blog-worthy dates, and we're planning on getting married in a few months, for pete's sake! You'd think that the words would be flowing freely these days.

But, I've felt particularly reflective in the past weeks. I think that it is partly because I've been anticipating massage therapy school for such a long time, and now I am on the edge of starting, I spend a lot of time thinking about the opportunity in front of me. How open can I be to let this experience mold me? How will I apply my new education to my every day life and how much will it change the way I see the world? Hugely? Not at all? Perhaps it doesn't matter, but I am ready to find out.

I've also been thinking about the journey that Mike and I are beginning together. What an incredibly magical time, the anticipation of becoming a family and laying the foundation for our future together. I don't take a single day that we have together for granted. I love him so deeply and so wholly that I sometimes feel like I am going to bust at the seams.

I used to think that you shouldn't take things for granted because if something bad were to happen, you would want to look back and be able to congratulate yourself on having enjoyed that day or person or ability while you could. What I have come to understand more recently is that it isn't about later at all. When something bad happens, it may be fine to think that you enjoyed yourself before, but tragedy is a great equalizer. Whether or not I am grateful for my ability to walk today isn't going to make it more pleasant if I lose my legs in three years. It is about TODAY. Did I dread taking Rosey on a walk or did I put on my coat and thank God for a beautiful day, time with my dog, and the ability to move and walk and be free?

I strive to live and to love the same way. Most days the gratefulness comes and goes. Some days I outright fail at being conscious and grateful. And I think that's okay. All we can do is keep trying, right?

So, you see, I have been trapped in my head, thinking about how I want to run my life and summoning the courage to try and actually do it. As I step off into a new education, a new career and, most importantly, a new family, I want to try and show up offering the best I've got.